


Just the beginning

by DeadWeight



Category: Carol (2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-01
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-05-16 22:10:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14819813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadWeight/pseuds/DeadWeight
Summary: An unfinished fic of Carol and Therese building their lives together following Therese's decision to meet Carol at the restaurant.





	1. Chapter 1

Just the beginning

I wasn't intending to be here. It felt as though my feet, on auto pilot, took me to this destination before my mind had a chance to object. It had always been her. It would always be her. The words repeated themselves, whirling round and round in my head, making me breathless and keeping me rooted to the spot in the dining room. Over the tops of heads and the clatter of diners eating, she came to me like a vision. She hadn't seen me. Not yet. I was struck by how calm, how composed, she seemed as she allowed herself to be engaged in idle chit chat. Yes she was composed...and yet I could still detect the sadness in her beautiful eyes, I could still see the hurt pride even if nobody else could. Her gaze wandered, idly, around the dining room until they came to rest upon me. There was a long moment, an unwaveringly held gaze that made my heart spike in my chest, but i did not look away, I could not look away for fear that she would disappear in front of me in smoke, dissipating, revealing herself to be nothing more than the last shreds of my memories and day dreams. But this was not a daydream and I was no longer that girl who would be content with just imagining. I was here to fight for us. I watched the smile on Carol's full, red, lips turn into an unrestrained grin as the relief gave way to joy. Her eyes watered and then, in minutes, she was waving me over, her emotions already checked and tidied into a look reminiscent of the old Carol.

"Gentlemen this is Therese Belivet"

"They rose to bow their heads congenially.

"Please join us" She insisted.

"Thank you" I replied sitting down with my head swimming and my heart dancing in my chest.

"I was seated across from her. She was just slightly out of my reach and yet I could smell her perfuming wafting towards me giving me some semblance of closeness. The feeling of the chair beneath me seemed to be the only thing keeping me upright. I remained rooted to it, gripping it for dear life as I attempted to pull myself together.

"Have a glass of wine Therese" Carol suggested. I concentrated on the glass in my hand, sipping down a good mouthful of warm, red. It was just enough dutch courage to distract myself from Carol and consider the notion of taking part in the tide of conversation around me. It was as if we were hiding in plain sight. I was amazed by the mundane words that left my mouth. The conversations I was able to have despite knowing that she was there, solid and real, in front of me, out of reach but close enough…close enough if I just decided to go to her. At times visions would interrupt the flow of conversation. I'd imagine myself pulling the tablecloth free, spilling glasses and drinks on to waiting laps, to slide over to her and take her face in my hands, once again experiencing the rush of kissing that beautiful, full, mouth.

"And are you enjoying working there?" The words pierced the power of my day dream like air released slowly from a balloon. I nodded my head, tearing my eyes away from Carol's mouth.

"Oh yes" I replied, bringing myself back to the conversation with a jolt. I allowed my gaze to flicker in her direction. Yes I was going to have to try a lot harder to keep in step with conversation even though all I really wanted to do was stare in to Carol's eyes with great abandonment.

"One by one Carol's friends excused themselves until there was only Timothy left, loitering at the table.

"Ladies, if I can excuse myself for a moment" Timothy said politely, tipping his hat in our direction as he excused himself from the table  
div style="font-family: Helvetica;""You came" Carol whispered, keeping her eyes trained on the glass tumbler in her hands. She brought it to her lips and drained the contents in one mouthful. "I didn't think you would" There was a trace, just a spark, of despair. For the first time she could not dare to look at me for fear of revealing her emotions in a look or a mere glance. I wanted to take her hands in to my own and kiss the blush of freckles that I had retraced in my mind so many evenings.

"Can we be alone Carol?" I pleaded. There was so much I wanted to say but being here, confined to this table, surrounded by others felt like absolute torture to me.

She braved a look at me and closed her eyes to the image with a faint nod. "Yes" She sighed with relief.

We did not utter a word on the cab ride home. We were encapsulated in silence and yet my head was thrumming to life with noise. Memories came flooding back to me of the silent rides we had taken on our trips, of the feelings that had been building between us, threatening, at any moment, to spill over into frenzy. I was feeling this now. I was feeling all the emotions mixing together like a turning tide. There was love, resentment, hope, fear, desire, all sinking into my every pore. The feelings were so strong that at points I feared I would actually embrace her in the confines of the cab, giving way to passion and pressing my eager mouth to hers without fear of the consequences.

"Just here" Carol uttered the words in a voice I could not recognise. She paid the cab driver and engaged in polite conversation as he thanked her for her generous tip.

"Carol opened the door to the apartment, glancing over her shoulder at me to meet my intense gaze with a look of trepidation. Had she expected me to flee? To change my mind and turn back from her again?

No sooner was the door opened than I felt the inside of it against my back as Carol gripped me in an embrace, mouth meeting mine in sheer desperation, hands pawing at my body, then finally resting at my face, holding my cheeks in her hands. I responded in kind, readily taking her into me, my hands slipping around the small of her back, pushing her further against me until there was no space, not even room to breathe. I wanted her now more than I ever had before. I wanted her so badly that I could barely stand it. We kissed over and over again, long slow kisses that took my breathe away and made my cheeks flush red with want. Her mouth was soft and yet urgent, tongue meeting mine with a jolt of electricity. I tugged at her coat and it fell to the floor with a soft thud. The sight of her flushed, with her red lipstick smudged by our kisses, brought a moan to my lips. I couldn't hold it back. I traced the line of her mouth, watching with intense fascination, as she blushed before me. Had I ever seen her blush? I marvelled at the sight, closing my eyes to keep the image in my head.

"Let's take this into the bedroom" She said, her voice thick and heavy with lust. She threaded her fingertips with mine, tugging at my hand, as we walked into her bedroom. She sat down on the edge of the bed and I remained poised in front of her, my hands busying themselves with the buttons on my shirt. Button after button popped open to reveal more skin and Carol seemed more than content just to sit and watch me, her blue eyes darkening by the second. She leaned back against out stretched hands, taking in the sight of me undressing with a languid smile.

"Come to me" She urged, watching me intently as I moved towards her, slipping on to her waiting lap. I remained like this for a long moment, naked before her, watching the way she took in the sight of my body with great appreciation. She shook her head and exhaled deeply "Do you know how much I want you?" She asked. I did not need to answer her. We both knew it. We could both feel it. She began to slip out of her silken dress, all the time keeping her eyes fixed on mine. I was drinking in the sight of her, hands skimming her soft, toned arms, coasting along the curves of her sublime body, with a pleasure so absolute I felt sure I would stop breathing. I kissed her long and deep, our arms frantically grasping, holding each other as desire took over us. Gently I coaxed her down on to the bed so that she was laying below me, looking up at me with hooded eyes. She brought her hands to rest on my hips, the tips of her thumbs drawing patterns against my skin. I took my time with her, smiling in response to her impatient moans. Her body arched beneath me, responding to the touch of my mouth on her breasts with a deep moan. A hand came to the back of my head and then there was the gentle, almost tentative, encouragement, the mere persuasion that I should take my journey to a more urgent place. I kissed a trail along her navel, the hand against my head gripping my hair with a display of urgency. Then there was nothing but the sounds of Carol's desire spilling out in to the empty room, her cries coming from the back of her throat, bouncing across the walls to make my stomach flip and turn.

"I laid down beside her as she lay spent with her eyes closed and a hand carelessly strewn across her eyes. She seemed so vulnerable laying here with her chest rising and falling rapidly like a baby birds. I pulled the covers up to our necks and inched closer to her, allowing an arm to drape across her middle. Slowly she opened her heavy eyes, luminous blue sparkling to life.

"I love you" She told me, holding my face in her hands. "I love you" There was nothing but sincerity in her tone. Any sharpness, any pride, had slipped away and I knew that she was here before me, the real Carol, the Carol I had caught glimpses of before we parted and before I experienced such a vast change.

"I love you" I replied. I did not have to question it. I did not have to consider it. Saying it made my heart swell with pride because I never believed that we would say those words to each other. I never truly thought that there was a solid chance for us to be together but now I knew that it was coming true before my eyes. Now I knew that this was just the beginning.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke before the sun had a chance to peek through the gap in the bedroom curtains. The room was cloaked in darkness and as I lay here in my musings I could hear the soft gentle sound of her breathing. She was fast asleep, curled onto her side, like a sleeping angel. Everything had happened so quickly yesterday that I really hadn't had a single, still, moment where I could just look at her in all her new beauty. She was all grown up and looking incredibly fine. My heart ached at the thought of how much she had changed and how much I had missed in the past few months. I thought about how much I could have missed and felt I would weep. It was too dark a thought to imagine what this morning would have felt like if she had not came and found me yesterday. Sure I would have put on that same mask of pride, gone to lunch, shopped for furniture, the usual trappings of life, but inside I would have longed for her every moment of the day.

"Morning" She greeted me, her voice heavy with sleep.

A smile spread across my features. "Morning" I leaned close and stroked her cheek.

She stretched, contentedly, like a cat, all beautifully slender and taut. "It's still dark" She remarked.

"I've been awake for a few hours" I admitted, glancing back at that gap in the curtain, which began to show the first beginnings of dawn.

"You couldn't sleep?" She asked, absentmindedly tracing the outline of my collar bone. I loved the way she looked at me. It brought back memories of our first beginnings, when I would drink in every guarded look, every careful touch with nervous anticipation. "Why?"

"I felt like a bag of nerves" I admitted with a nervous laugh. I reached for a cigarette and offered her one in the same motion. "I couldn't stop thinking about how much you've changed"

"I have changed" She agreed and there was confidence in her voice. "I want to be with you Carol…" She stopped mid sentence to look me directly in the eye "…I couldn't imagine my life without you…"

I gripped her hand in mine and felt my chest ache from the beating of my heart.

"…but I want to be with you, I want to contribute, I want to share myself with you"

I nodded my head. I knew what she meant. If last night had been the beginning, today brought it with it negotiations. Therese was not going to slot neatly into the life I wanted to provide for her. She had some demands of her own. She was telling me in no uncertain way that I was going to have to get used to compromise. It was so natural for me to put Therese on a pedestal and admire her but she was not some suburban housewife and I was not her husband. "I understand" I said after a long moment. "It will be difficult" I admitted with a wry smile. "You seem to bring out the gentleman in me" I winked at her and saw the colour rise in her cheeks. "Shall we take some tea out on to the balcony? I think we might just catch the sunrise"

"I stood up and crossed the room for my robe. As I slipped it on I could see the surprise in her eyes and the blush on her cheeks. I came to her with a robe of her own, and she slipped her arms around my waist pressing a kiss to my bare stomach. She coaxed me onto her waiting lap, hands drawing me in ever closer. "I hear your every word Therese" I whispered in to her ear.

She nodded her head, nestled in tightly against the crook of my neck. She breathed in deeply. "I could get used to these mornings"

"So could I" I smoothed the hair from her face and kissed her cheek. "Let me fix you some tea"

 

Days later

 

I carried what felt like a tower of boxes up the stairs.

"We could have had these moved professionally" Carols strained voice bellowed from above. She dropped a heavy box on the floor and swore under her breath.

"Where's the fun in that?" I asked, joining her in the doorway. She leaned against the door frame and exhaled, wiping her brow. She was dressed in what amounted to casual attire for Carol. She was wearing an oversized, white, linen shirt, tucked neatly into the waistband of high waisted brown tapered trousers. Her soft blonde hair was held up by a blue silk scarf and her full lips held that all familiar shade of red. I had kissed those lips a hundred times, I mused. What a delight to know, finally, that they were mine to kiss without need for reproach.

"Where's the fun in this?" She enquired with a raised eyebrow.

"It's quite a sight for me" I told her, leaning down to pick up a box. "Seeing you all hot under the collar" I added, breezing past her to put the box down in our bedroom. It was easy, now, to flirt openly with Carol. It had not always been that way. No it had taken some weeks, verging on months, for me to be brought down to reality and begin to really see Carol. To begin with that same nervousness would grip me and I'd find myself biting back my thoughts, nervous to make the first move. Carol had always been the aggressor, the pursuer and I had been putty in her hands. Now it was time for me to play a part and truth be told I think Carol liked this new flicker of change in me. She liked the mischief in my eye and the flirtation in my words.

"So…" She began, placing a box down on the carpeted floor before sauntering over to me. She slipped her arm around the small of my back and brought me in close, so close that I could smell her perfume and feel her delicate breath against my cheek. "…It seems as though you've been rewarded handsomely for your work"

"I would say so" I insisted allowing my eyes to appreciatively roam the curves of her body.

"What's my reward?" She spoke breathlessly, peering at me through long lashes, her eyes growing dark with desire.

"I'm here aren't I?" I asked with a coy smile.

She grinned back at me. "That you are" She replied. She slipped and errant hair behind my ear and placed a kiss against my cheek.

"Do you think the neighbours will mind our kissing with the door open?" I wondered aloud, purring like a cat under Carol's touch.

She glanced over her shoulder at the open doorway and shook her head. "You're far too distracting" She muttered under her breath. She walked over to the front door and closed it firmly. In a split moment I felt the playfulness leave the room and Carol grew quiet with its loss. She walked over to one of the boxes and started taking out book after book. There was no explanation and for a dull moment I felt perplexed by the sudden change in her. I was used to Carol growing cold, going quiet and yet it still made its impact known.

I walked over to her and took a book out of her hand. "Carol?" I asked gently.

"We should probably get this all packed away…" She mumbled, distracted, as she began placing books on to an empty book shelf. "…Will these do here? You can move things around if you like…"

"Carol" I urged, taking her hand in my own. She was stiff to the touch.

She looked at me finally and let out a suppressed sigh. "We should be more careful" She reminded me, her shoulder sagging slightly with the weight of her words. "You understand that don't you Therese?"

I nodded my head. I understood it and yet I did not want to understand it. I would never be able to wrap my head around the notion that what Carol and I shared, in all its magnificence, could ever be regarded as wrong. "I do" I replied, simply.

"I worry for you Therese…for us"

"Why?"

She mulled over her answer for a moment. "I can see in your eyes how unabashed you are, how proud you are of us…"

"I can't deny that" I insisted emphatically.

"But, my darling, there may be times when you have to" She whispered, softening to my touch. She moved to wrap her arms around me, pulling me in close. "Believe me i adore your passion and spirit more than you can imagine but we must remember to be careful"

I nodded in to her embrace. "You're right. I know you're right" I kissed her cheek, the tip of her nose and then finally her mouth. "Then there is only one thing for it!" I announced, stepping away and striding in to the bathroom. She followed me with a look of amusement and intrigue. "We must make the most of the time we have alone" I turned on the faucet, watching hot water gush in to the bath. "I shall have to adore you unabashedly in private as much as possible"

Her smile got the better of her as she gave in to the pleasure of my words. She registered the filling bath with an arched brow.

"I see no better way to adore you" I insisted, teasing the tails of her white shirt free. "And no better way to celebrate the occasion" Button after button was popped open to reveal creamy white skin that was soft and subtle to the touch.

"What about the boxes?" She mumbled, voice lost to the sensation of my mouth kissing her beautifully delicate neck. Her hand found its way into my hair, cradling my head as I nipped at the skin of her breast. "On second thoughts…" She gasped at the contact and I couldn't help but smile against her soft skin. "…damn the boxes" She cursed bringing my mouth to hers in one forceful motion, her desire getting the better of her as she slipped into a deep kiss that made my breath catch in my throat and my heart pound with expectation. I kissed her back, hungrily, my hands responding by pawing at the buttons of her trousers. In a, mere, flicker our passion could ignite, from the spark of a match, a small chaste kiss, to a smouldering fire of an embrace. Sometimes I wanted her so badly I ached for her. in a fleeting moment I wondered, would this ever change? Would it simmer down to normality? As she pulled at the buttons of my blouse, never breaking our kiss, I couldn't imagine that we would ever be anything less than on fire. "Therese?" She spoke in to the kiss. Ever distracted by my desire I continued to allow my hands to slip along the curves of her hips. "Therese?" She repeated more forcefully. I pulled away from the kiss in response. "The bath Therese!" She exclaimed. "The bath!"

I tore my eyes away from her flushed face to register the bath water, climbing dangerously close to the brim. I cursed under my breath and moved instantly to turn off the rushing water. I could hear her chuckling as I leant on the tub with a deep exhale. "That was close" I remarked.

"We'll be a while waiting for this to cool" She commented. She allowed her hands to dance on the surface of the scorching water.

"Then I'll have to adore you twice" I teased, allowing myself to be guided in to the bedroom.


	3. Chapter 3

Life has a habit of just happening. Days would tick by and grow like the hands of a clock, the two of us content to live out each day in our own private bubble of happiness. Life was working wonderful magic. It was morphing the ordinary into the extraordinary with the most breath taking results. We took nothing for granted and no mundane moment went unchecked. There were so many wonderful moments. Lazy Sunday's spent in bed with newspapers crumbled at the foot and naked limbs entwined in sleeping slumber. Evenings where we would haunt theatres and restaurants, hiding cleanly in plain sight. Sometimes the walk home would mean more than the show and I would take in the sight of her cheeks, flushed and red from the cold snap of winter. The frost would settle on the ground and we would walk home arm in arm and into the warm mouth of our apartment. Off would come a bundle of winter clothing, heavy furs and scarves and an adorable wooly hat that made Therese look impossibly charming. We loved to dine and see and feel things and I relished the surprise in her eyes when we would stumble upon something new. She was emotionally much more intelligent than I and it never failed to amaze me how generous and how honest she was with her love for me. She was certainly teaching me things I had never dreamed to know. The apartment, also, changed before my eyes. I watched the furniture moved, photographs mounted and hung proudly on the walls, trinkets and souvenirs littering book shelfs and coffee tables. I could feel my pride, the stoic impenetrable mask, begin to slip away shard by shard. I would always be stubborn, of course, but I was beginning to let myself go and give in to my love for her without reservation. I would not deny myself the act of missing her, giving in to the feeling on evenings when she would work late and I would sit and home, smoking and waiting, excited when I heard her key in the door. It was not a weakness to want her, I told myself, springing out of my chair as she got in, helping her take off her coat and kissing her in greeting. "I've missed you" I would say, trying it on for size, and she would dazzle me with a charming look of surprise.

Imagine that. Imagine such wonderfully, blissful happiness in the face of so much gloom. Yes I was happy with her, happier than I had ever been before, and yet I could feel the misery, lurking in the background. These days, as the visits grew less frequent, it felt safer not to think of her. When my thoughts of her would surface I would push them to the background, only to have them emerge in the dead of the night when I would wake with hot tears in my eyes. I was happy and in love and yet my heart was broken. It was missing a vital piece but I would not examine things consciously, not anymore. Instead I would submerge myself in this apartment, in those waiting arms and try my hardest to believe that ghosts would not come back to haunt me.

This evening was one of our happy times. We stood in the kitchen with a counter top of ingredients that i was determined, with instruction, Therese would turn in to a delicious meal. Her attempts to cook, so far, had been little and infrequent. I liked to call her an assembler of food and truth be told she had gotten by using this model for quite some time now.

"Therese" I said in an attempt to get her to concentrate.

"Mmm hmm?" She murmured, sneaking away a green olive that was popped in to her mouth with approval.

"Stop eating the ingredients" I scolded her. "Now come along, you can start by dicing the onions" I suggested. She came up behind me, arms expertly swooping me in to an embrace, with her head nestled into the nook of my shoulder.

"I'll watch" She suggested, planting a soft kiss against my neck. "I learn better by watching. I'm a very visual learner"

For a long moment I indulged myself with the feel of her embrace. "Onions" I repeated as she released me from her arms and nodded her head in mock obedience.

"Ok, ok" She acquiesced. She began cutting the onions in her usual haphazard manner, creating giant chunks of silvery pearl that practically rolled off of the surface.

"Darling I asked you to dice them" I reminded her, allowing a hand to rest against her slender shoulder blade, feeling the tautness under her white shirt. It was the feel of her, solid and real, that I loved to be reminded of. "Now add those to the pan with the garlic"

"And now?"

"The herbs and then the red wine…a generous glug should do it" I said, draining the contents of my whiskey tumbler and refilling it.

She stirred the pan to life, eyebrows knitted together, mouth fixed with a look of determination. I enjoyed these moments the most, when I could look at her without reproach and admire her without conversation. It was my own personal vice and one I had no intention of giving up. Within moments I found that i had began to mimic her earlier pose and my arms found themselves wrapped around her middle, mouth kissing the soft spot of her ear.

"I'll burnt it" She warned.

We sat in the living room with our drinks, the smell of dinner simmering following us in. On the floor was a carpet of black and white images. Therese's latest project, which amongst many things included countless photographs of me. She never tired of taking my picture. Her greatest love was to capture life as it was, bones and all, as it happened. It meant that there were a tide of snapshots of our everyday life and I could see our days spread out in motion. It truly was a marvellous gift.

"They're remarkable" I assured her much to her relieve. "Even the ones of me" I teased.

"I love the ones of you. I look at them often. I can't see that I'd ever grow tried of taking them"

I smiled at her and cupped her cheek in my hand. Maybe it was that second drink but I was feeling quite sentimental. I drew her closer to me and kissed her, tasting the delicate softness of her lips. I wanted her closer than my own skin and I held her to me with a sense of urgency that I could not keep from spilling over. She held me tighter in response, kissing me with a gentle, slow, pressure that made the room grow warm with our need. We did not need to speak of had a knack of knowing what we needed without question. She did not need to concern herself with the intensity of my embrace when her response echoed something of the same. It seemed that whatever I was feeling spilled in to her as if we were one and the same. We kissed and kissed over and over again, interrupted only by the insistent sound of the pan boiling over on the stove.

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It was a Tuesday and I had finished early for the day. I walked down the street with a skip in my step overjoyed that I had secured a front cover photo. I could imagine no better way to celebrate than to drop in on Carol and surprise her at work.

I stood on the steps to the furniture store taking in the sight of her through the opened doorway. I loved watching her while she worked. She was on her hands and knees, skirt haphazardly clumped around her, while she sanded the side of a chest of drawers. Her blonde hair fell in front of her face, cheeks glowing red with the strain of sanding, as she swore under her breathe.

"Damn thing" She tutted.

I stepped in to the store.

"You're hard at work" I remarked with a smile.

She paused, momentarily frozen in suspense, before giving way to greet me with a soft smile.

"How long have you been there?" She enquired, that wonderful smile still pulling at her full mouth. She tore her attention away from me and with a trace of irritation resumed her work.

I shrugged my shoulders and perched on the arm of a leather chair.

"Long enough to know that you have a dirty mouth"

She shook her head in disbelief. "Miss Belivet are you flirting with me?" There was a twinkle in her eye that was perfectly irresistible. I felt my own cheeks flush red at the insinuation. Truth be told, though I was much more confident in our relationship since we'd been living together, she could still reduce me to a giggling school girl with nothing more than a wink.

"Always" I replied. Unable to keep the grin from my mouth I dipped my head in embarrassment.

She let out a deep exhale. "What do you do to me?" She wondered aloud. With a second glance she reluctantly dropped the wad of sandpaper and climbed to her feet. "You're quite the distraction" She mock scolded me brushing off the remnants of saw dust from her skirt.

She walked past me with a purposeful swing in her hips and flicked the sign on the door to 'closed'. In one swift movement she pulled down the blinds, shrouding the shop in a calm, muted, darkness. There was nothing but the sound of her footsteps and then she was stood behind me, towering over me, with a hand carelessly sliding against the soft skin on my chest, and into the side of my blouse. She kissed me from behind, just a simple chaste kiss, but it was enough to drive the pulse at my throat into overdrive. Her touch was all too familiar now, something I had grown to expect and not just desire but I still wanted her more than I could possibly express.

"And to think I wanted to get that finished this evening" She remarked, walking round to slip onto my lap, her hands braced against the arms of the leather chair.

"Maybe I should leave you be?" I teased much to her disappointment. She shook her head slowly.

"Absolutely not" She replied, leaning in to press a kiss against my neck. She breathed in the smell of my perfume. "I have much more pressing business to attend to Miss Belivet"

"Is that so?" I hummed, any further thought interrupted by her exquisite mouth pressing kisses along my collar bone. She was a wonderful lover, generous and tender with a tendency to get lost in kissing me for long enough to have my body crying out for more. She inched dangerously close to the buttons of my blouse, leaving a trail of kisses on my chest that brought the cool air to them in waves. I shuddered at the contact and she paused for a moment to wink at me, mouth never leaving there spot on my breast. She unbuttoned my blouse and sat back to take in the sight of me half dressed. Carol loved to admire me.

"You are truly magnificent" She purred, flicking open the latch on my skirt. She leaned in closer her mouth hovering inches away from mine as a hand slipped past the confines of my skirt and into my underwear. The contact brought a groan to my lips that filled the silent room and made a smile pull at the corners of Carol's mouth. She kissed me hard allowing all of her desire to pour in to me, fingers expertly moving against me, building into a rhythm that made my heart roar in my chest. I wrapped my arms around her, urging her deeper in to me, desperate for more of her, my mouth kissing her so hard i feared I would bruise her lips. I couldn't hold myself back. I gripped the back of her neck and moaned into the kiss feeling my entire being losing control with every thrust of my hips. Then there was nothing but the sounds that filled my head. I held her tightly to me and rode out the wave that seemed to envelope me, the crashing build up and then a perfect stillness that was permeated only by the sound of Carol breathing in to my ear and the heavy rise and fall of my chest. I could feel her excitement, stirring under the surface, as she stroked my cheek, my body still reeling from her touch.

As my heart began to return to a normal pace I slipped out of the chair under her watchful eye. I got to my knees and noted the look of want in her eyes. Now she was seated on the leather seat, hands cupping the arms, fingertips applying pressure and sinking in to the surface. I slid up her skirt until it bunched at her hips and gently parted her legs, smiling against her as I felt a hand instinctively move to the back of my head. Her insistence was more than evident and she urged me closer, the sounds of her pleasure spilling out from the back of her throat. She writhed against me and I drank her in, my hands cupping her knees to steady myself. The desire mounted in her and the room grew warm and hazy with passion. I felt her fingers slipping in to my hair, teasing the strands, pulling on them with a sense of desperation. She moaned deeply, the sound filling me with a renewed desire, then the hand on my head was directing me away as Carol slumped back in to the chair. When I looked up a hand was cast carelessly over her eyes, her chest rising and falling dramatically. I slipped on to her waiting lap and lay with my head against her chest listening to the reassuring sound of her beating heart. I drummed out the pattern with a fingertip on her forearm, content to remain like this as Carol slowly regained the ability to speak.

"Imagine Carol…" I began, glancing up to meet eyes that were dark and unfocused. She was spent and I took great pleasure in the fact. "…if the person who buys this chair knew what had happened on it" I couldn't help but giggle at the thought of some stuffy couple taking it home and placing it in the study, totally oblivious to our love making.

She closed her eyes and laughed uncontrollably. "The thoughts that go through your head" She chided. "I'm not sure I could let it go" She said suddenly, considering the thought for a moment. "No I think it's settled, it's going to have to come home with us I'm afraid"

I smile widely against her chest. "I think I'd like that" I agreed.

She hooted with laughter. "Think we can make ourselves presentable? You've put me in a generous mood and I'd quite like to take you out for dinner" She informed me with a wink.

"Providing you don't wink at me like that again. It makes me giddy"

This amused her to no end and she sat up, smoothing down her skirt. "Is that so Miss Belivet? I wouldn't like to make a promise to a lady that I can't keep" She replied, throwing me another wink for the hell of it.


	4. Chapter 4

The restaurant was alive with the sounds of conversation, intermixed with the clattering of china and the scratch of cutlery against plates. Walking through a cloud of smoke I spied Abby seated at a booth with a cigarette, practically smoked down to the tip. She locked eyes with me and waved, in what amounted to excitement from my old dear friend. She had always been such a calm, poised, person, her intensity of emotions only evident in the darkening of her eyes.

"What kind of time do you call this?" She asked, presenting me with her profile as I kissed her cheek in greeting.

"Don't you know by now that I'm one of those fashionably late types?"

"Hmm" She hummed. "Don't you know by now I'm one of those long suffering impatient types?" She countered.

I sat down with a chuckle, taking my hat off and setting it to one side. "Well then I guess we'll just have to compromise"

"I took the liberty of ordering you a manhattan" She remarked, scanning a menu in front of her despite knowing that she would order the exact same thing she always did.

"Wonderful" I thanked her and lit a cigarette allowing myself to relax in to my chair. The journey here had been a nightmare with traffic piling up in every direction. What a relief it was to be out from behind the wheel of the car.

"So how are things? I'm surprised you've managed to tear yourself away from Therese and grace me with your presence" She teased with a look of mischief. "What is this Carol? The honeymoon phase?"

I couldn't help but smile back at her. I thought back to this morning. The alarm had punctuated the calm of the room, its insistent drone rousing us slowly from sleep. Therese had pulled the covers up and over our heads, submerging us in her self-imposed cocoon. "I'm not moving" She insisted, snuggling closer to me and enveloping me in her warmth. I had chuckled in to her sweet smelling hair.

"You'll be late" I had warned with my voice still thick and heavy with sleep. Despite my protests I too had moved impossibly closer. All of her our mornings seemed to begin like this.

"Perhaps" I finally said with a shrug of my shoulders.

"Well you can't live on love alone" Abby suggested with just a hint of disbelief. I wondered, at times, if there were ever a trace of jealousy behind her words or if she ever thought of what we had shared and wondered why it had never been the same.

"I'd like to give it a good try" I commented with a smirk. "No it's more than that. We have much in common and we enjoy spending time together. We're learning from each other all the time"

"I bet you are" Abby huffed. "You've got yourself quite the pistol. I doubt if I'd let her leave the bedroom"

I gave her a cautious glare. Abby was quite the romancer and sometimes had a tendency to talk about women as if she were one of the businessmen we occasionally dined with. It was all in jest but I didn't want to float the notion that Therese was some floozy, some sort of kept woman, not my Therese.

"Come on Carol. She's a spitfire" She crowed, thanking the waiter who brought our manhattans. "Cheers" She saluted clinking her glass against mine with a chime. "No I'm horribly jealous. Good for you I say. Keep her while you can"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I challenged, feeling myself bristle at the insinuation.

Abby chuckled under her breath. "It's a joke Carol. I'm just teasing you. Therese is a beautiful, intelligent girl and as I said I'm horribly jealous"

I laughed it off good-naturedly but inside I blanched at the thought. 'Keep her while you can' Keep her while you can? It seemed to strike an unfamiliar chord in me. Truth be told I was not used to feeling the sting of jealousy. Nor was I used to feeling such an overwhelming sense of insecurity. I drank down my manhattan and ordered another in quick succession dwelling miserably on my own thoughts.

"Want me to walk you to your door?" Abby called out of the opened car window. I could see the concern in her face and I batted it away with a false smile.

"That'll teach me for passing on breakfast" I explained. "I'll be fine" I assured her. "I shouldn't have had that last manhattan"

Abby nodded her head but I could tell by the look on her face that she was chewing on something. She bit back the thought. "I'll call you" She told me before speeding off in her car.

I navigated the steps to the apartment complex unsteadily. The rush of air had gone to my head and I was beginning to feel the effects of the drinks I had consumed over lunch, or what little I had consumed of lunch. Was this me now? Drinking to excess? Brooding and miserable?

I turned the lock in the key and stumbled in to the apartment, its warmth wrapped itself around me with welcome arms. The apartment was shrouded in darkness indicating that I was alone and that Therese was working late again. At this point I didn't know whether to feel relief or despair?

I took off my coat and looked at my reflection in the mirror. The darkness muted my sight but I could still make out my features in the glass. Where had my composure fled to? Hadn't I always prided myself on keeping a cool exterior even in times of great difficulty? Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that this wasn't about Therese. It wasn't about my fears of her leaving me for a younger model or my worries that we were destined for rocky roads ahead. This was about my inability to admit that my heart was breaking for Rindy. That I was torn with grief, missing a limb, hurting for something I feared would never be fixed. It made me cling to the love I had for Therese, attaching myself to it with a sense of foreboding. In my drink addled brain it seemed perfectly plausible that losing Rindy made it all the more likely that I would also lose Therese.

 

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I struggled with the key in the lock, weighed down by the bunch of flowers that I had tucked underneath my arm. With great difficulty I pushed the door open, noting that the apartment was empty and dark. The butterflies in my stomach faded in to a sense of disappointment and I pouted, fully giving in to a sulk. I was yet to lose the sense of excitement I felt when returning to Carol after a long day apart. Switching on the hallway light I took in the sight of my slightly crushed bouquet. I had selected a rather wild bunch, carnations and chrysanthemums vied for attention with bursts of colour, while bunches of baby's breath and greens provided a subtle backdrop. It was chaos and yet I knew she would compliment them, telling me they were a handsome bunch and that they reminded her of me. I smiled at the thought stepping in to the kitchen to look for a vase.

When i flicked on the light my heart gave a start in my chest. "Carol?" I gasped, holding my chest in shock.

She didn't say a word but remained rooted to the spot. I could see that she had been crying by the redness in her eyes. "Carol?" I asked again.

"What time do you call this?" She asked curtly.

"We had to run another story at the last minute" I explained, unnerved by the detached look in her eyes. "What's this about Carol?"

She drank down the last of her drink and shuddered at the taste. "Are those for me?" She asked but she did not soften and I could hear the bitter ice in her tone. "Are they a guilty conscience?"

I blinked back the surprise in my eyes. "Carol?" I implored, putting the flowers down on to the kitchen table. "What do you mean?"

She laughed resentfully. "I'm not an idiot Therese. All these late nights at the office…"

"You don't think…"

"Don't I?" She countered, getting to her feet unsteadily.

"Has something happened?" I questioned asking the question as much to myself as to her. The Carol standing before me was not a Carol that I recognised. I did not understand the anger and resentment in those beautiful blue eyes or comprehend the snap in her tone. This was not the immensely composed Carol, who under duress gave out emotions like blood from a stone. This Carol was angry, she was seething, but she was screaming out emotions in her rage.

"You tell me" She replied with a steely coolness. She stepped towards me until she was stood mere inches away and I could smell the alcohol on her breath and see the hazy look in her eyes.

"This isn't like you…" I trailed off, gently gripping her wrists in my hands to search her face for a hidden meaning, some suggestion of what was really going on here. She turned her face away from me, making a lame attempt to pull away from my touch. "I love you Carol" I reminded her, urging her to look in my direction. "I love you" I repeated and I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her to me in one swift movement. Inevitably she sank in to the embrace, hiding her face in the crook of my neck. I felt the hot spring of tears against my skin and the sobs rack through her body. When I pulled back to look in to her face her features were distorted with emotion.

"I'm trying to keep it together…" She cried. The horror I felt at the sight of her in such despair spread through me in a cold wave. I felt like a clueless fool, happily content in my own private day dreams while Carol was struggling with the weight of her sadness. How had I not seen this build up? I asked myself, smoothing strands of blonde behind her ear. "I miss her" She finally admitted with a gasp of fresh tears. "I miss her so much Therese"

Rindy. She was a topic i had steered clear of for some time now. After the first few visits had been cancelled and had dwindled to nothing more than a snatched hour a week, then a glimpse in a matter of months, I stopped asking her how things were. Naively I told myself that she was dealing with it in her own unique way. She was a stoic person, stronger than anyone I had ever known. Of course I knew she felt the loss. How could she not? I knew it and yet I suppose in a way it hurt me to admit the truth. She was hurting because of me. She had lost Rindy because of us. But it was no time to be melancholy and self-obsessed. I could take digs at myself in private. For now Carol was my only concern.

I held her tightly, kissing her forehead and smoothing the softness of her cheek. "Come with me" I urged, walking her in to the bedroom. I sat her down on the edge of the bed, slipping off her shoes and teasing free her stockings. Tossing them to the side, we slipped under the sheets, in the darkness of our own makeshift tent.

I lay there, on my back, with Carol sleeping along one side of me, her face resting against my chest and an arm strewn across me. She looked like a sleeping child who had fallen asleep after being scowled, features still holding all the tell tale signs of tears shed. My heart felt heavy at the sight of her. I had been so blissfully happy and caught up in the two of us that I hadn't thought about what this meant for Carol. All that she had lost was crashing down before us and I promised her sleeping form that I would do everything in my power to catch the pieces as they fell.


	5. Chapter 5

I came to, at some point, in the early hours of the morning, with a throbbing head and a sense of confusion that only deepened when I realised I was still wearing my clothes from yesterday. The space beside me was empty and my attention was drawn to the sounds of hushed conversation in the hallway. In the darkness of the bedroom I could not see the face of the clock. I leaned over in an attempt to get a better view and instantly felt my head throbbing to life.

"I'm not feeling too good" Therese's voice said, hushed to practically a whisper. "Mmm hmm. Some sickness..." She mumbled. "Should be back on my feet tomorrow…No i won't rush in. Thanks Danny" Then there was the sound of the phone placed back on the receiver, a gentle click and yet it seemed to be an avalanche in my mind.

Details starting to come back to me. Fragments of last night that made my cheeks flush red with shame and my mouth open in a perfect circle, the tell tale signs of regret. There was the memory of Abby and the car ride back to the apartment, waiting and waiting for what felt like long, drawn out periods for Therese to return and then…No I wasn't quite ready for that memory yet. I shooed it away and sunk under the covers. If I stayed here, I reasoned, it would all eventually evaporate to nothing. Perhaps it was a bad dream? Not even in my desperation could I put this feeling down as being a figment of my imagination.

"If only" I groaned. My voice bordered on the realms of silence, so concerned was I with Therese's return and the inevitability that I would have to face up to my actions.

The memory of the flowers came to me in bloom. Beautiful, vibrant, flowers that had been tossed aside like they were nothing. I couldn't bear to think of the disappointment in her face. I couldn't stomach the sadness in her eyes and the complete and utter confusion that had seemed to encapsulate her. This had hit her like a shot to the stomach, some dark revelation that I knew had snipped at the fabric of our happiness and left me clean, open, in her mind. I could no longer hide behind our love. I could no longer strive to be perfection. It was a fruitless quest, truth be told, but I had so badly wanted to keep her unburdened by the truth. I didn't want her to have to worry about me when all I wanted was for her to be happy and content in life. Was it ridiculous to have felt some fear that in knowing about Rindy…thinking the name alone made my heart constrict…that she would begin to regret her decision to be with me?

"Carol" Her voice was tender and sweet, spoken through the opened doorway with a sense of hope and concern that threatened to undo me completely. "Are you awake?"

There was that initial fight. Should I fake sleep? Wake only to brush away her concern and insist that the matter was not up for discussion? "I am" I replied with a heavy and thick tone. Slowly I sat up in bed, feeling as queer as I ever had before. How many manhattans had I forced down? i wondered as my stomach turned and my throat suddenly felt unbearably dry.

"I brought you some tea" She whispered and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"You're an angel" I remarked, taking the tea in my hands and sipping at the warm, sweet, liquid, feeling it reinvigorating me with it's warmth. It was like amber nectar to my parched throat and I drank it down, bearing the heat as it slid down my throat. "Therese…" I began. I found I could barely look at her. I felt so horribly embarrassed.

"You don't have to say anything Carol" She insisted and placed a hand over mine, stroking the back of my hand with her curled fingertips.

"I fear I do" I explained and closed my eyes with a deep sigh. "Will you forgive me my darling? I was a crude, unforgivable, mess last night"

She came closer to me on the bed and i could see in her drained expression that she had not slept well last night. I cupped her cheek in my hand and her eyes teared, momentarily, at the contact.

"Please don't apologise to me" She breathed the words out and when her eye lids fluttered open I was struck by her beauty. I never grew tired of looking in to this face "I feel like I've been inattentive…selfish even"

Despite myself I could not withhold the laughter that sprung forth. "Therese!" I exclaimed.

"Listen to me Carol, please" She said in a solemn voice. "I should have known you would be feeling all of this. I should have known that you would be hurting and I didn't say anything. I didn't check in with you because I was caught up in my own happiness and I'm sorry for that"

She was such a wonderful and sensitive lover. Even after I had been so unkind, said so many hurtful things, she was still here propping me up, apologising! It was quite a different experience to what I was used to. "You couldn't have known darling" I assured her.

"Couldn't I?"

I shook my head. "I should have been more honest with you. I should have spoken about her more" I admitted, gazing off in to the distance.

"I want you to" She said, gripping my hand. "I want you to talk about her"

"I'll try" I replied. "It's not always easy for me to talk about how I feel"

She smiled at me knowingly. "That is one thing that certainly hasn't gone unnoticed"

I playfully jabbed her in the side and in doing so felt the tension relieved from the room. "But you make it easier to imagine that I could"

We smiled together. Our own, knowing, secret smile. "I'm glad to hear that" She said pressing a chaste kiss against my mouth. "Do you need anything? I've taken the day off…" She allowed herself to grow distracted by the patterns she was drawing in to the palm of my hand.

"I think I need to be hosed down. I feel god awful" I croaked.

"Perhaps a bath and then breakfast?" She suggested, an arm slinked around the back of my neck. "If you can stand it" She added with a playful bump of our shoulders.

"Just about!" I groaned.

The sound of the bath running was like a charming lullaby in my pounding head. Steam moved from the bathroom and in to the bedroom, dispersing through the air until it was nothing. I lay here entranced by the clouds of steam, allowing my mind to paint a picture of her moving around in there. She would be creating some kind of concoction out of various scents and bath oils. Therese liked to be creative with her baths and today would be no exception.

She led me in to the bathroom and I sat, propped against, the edge of the bathtub, allowing myself to be more of a patient than I truly needed to be. It felt amazingly good to give in to being taken care of and I was determined to enjoy it while I could. The water was a mix of bubbles that floated to the surface bringing with them dried flowers that moved as though they were dancing.

"It shouldn't be too hot" She assured me as I climbed in, submerging myself in the intense warmth.

"Devine" I sighed. The warmth wrapped itself around me and I lay back closing my eyes to the pleasure. At times I dipped under the water, entirely, enjoying the way it diluted all my senses. I could hear reduced sounds coming from the kitchen as I lay under water with my eyes tightly closed. It was the perfect opportunity to think of nothing and I was content, at this point, to do just that. I had cried all the tears I could possibly shed and I was left with this cathartic feeling. For now I did not want to dwell on the dark thoughts. For now it would do just for her to know.

"Do you want to get out?" She asked and I opened my eyes to the sight of her with a thick towel proffered in one hand.

I nodded my head and allowed myself to be helped up to my feet. The coldness in the air clung to me, painting my body in a cover of goosebumps. I shuddered at the feeling and she wrapped the towel around me in response. For a long moment we stood together in the bathroom as she carefully dried me off with the towel. Her face was a picture of concentration and I noted how adorable she looked nibbling on her bottom lip, lost in thought. Then there was a robe placed on me, thick and warm and welcoming.

"Breakfast?" She asked, leaning in to kiss the tip of my nose.

'What a role reversal this relationship had turned out to be' I thought to myself as I nodded my head.

The smell of toast filled the air and we walked in to the kitchen together. At the table were the bunch of flowers, renewed now that they stood proudly in a vase. I sat down and she brought me rounds of toast that were buttery and delicious. I took bite after bite, feeling myself becoming more human with every mouthful. "I feel more like myself again" I decided, polishing off another slice of toast. I sat back with a full stomach and a feeling of contentment.

"I'm glad to hear it" She smiled back at me but I could see the cogs turning in that curious mind of hers. She leaned forward, propping her head up with her hands and her elbows on the table. "When you're ready…"

I cut her off mid sentence with a single, raised finger. "When I'm ready I will talk about it" I promised her. "But for now I want nothing more than to the waste the day in bed with you. Call it what you will, I feel we have endured enough misery for one day"

"As long as you're sure"

I took a single hand, holding it in between my own. Therese had hands that spoke of emotions, that told me stories of creation and worth. They were beautifully soft and magically skilful. These were hands that had captured images that held your attention, shocked and bewildered your senses and yet they were able to hold mine with a tenderness that could not be comprehended. I loved these hands. "I'm sure" I insisted, tugging on her hand and leading her back in to our unmade bed. I was sure that I wanted nothing but to sleep away my blues. It was enough for now. For now.

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"Have a good weekend" I bellowed out to Danny as I headed out in to the cold air. It was a cold, crisp day and the sun looked minutes from setting. I fastened my coat and wrapped my scarf tighter around my neck, teeth chattering in sympathy for the cold.

"May I offer you a ride?" Carol's voice, with a tinge of confidence and seduction, poured out of the opened window of her car. She was leaning against one elbow, her painted red lips pursed in a look of mischief. She was dressed impeccably and her eyes sparkled to life with a sense of enthusiasm that was infectious. I smiled back what I knew amounted to a goofy smile, a questioning look in my wide opened eyes. "Get in little lady" She purred, mimicking the sounds of old country and western cowboys. My cheeks flushed red and my smile widened further, buoyed by the playfulness in her voice./div  
I walked as fast as I could to the other side of the car.

"Where are we going?" I asked in surprise, climbing in to the warmth of the car. My smile showed no signs of going anywhere./div

Carol fixed me with a coy look. She leaned over me and buckled my seatbelt, face just shy of grazing my own. I could smell her perfume and it brought back memories of that hotel room, all that time ago. "I'm taking you away" She remarked, vaguely. "I thought we could both do with a break" She added before

"Grab that bag would you darling" Carol requested, after miles spent driving on the open road. Her hands were fixed firmly on the wheel and her eyes were hidden by dark sunglasses that were perched on her delicate nose.  
div style="font-family: Helvetica;"I glanced over my shoulder, in to the back of the car, spying a small cloth bag. "What's in here?" I asked, minutes before rummaging through the contents of the bag.

She smiled at my line of questioning. Carol often said that I should have been a reporter and not a photographer. "You ask such constant questions' She had added but the truth was I knew that she loved how curious I was

"Thought you might be half starved after work" She commented as I pulled out sandwiches wrapped in wax paper that were tied together with red and white string and finished off with a lazy bow. It was typical of Carol and I imagined her cursing at her own gesture, unable to concentrate on the details as she once again let her impatience get the better of her. Then there was a thermos, no doubt filled with hot milky coffee, guaranteed to strike at the heart of me and get my blood flowing. "It's not much…" She added as I hastily undid the paper. "…I have plans for you later"

I couldn't help but blush at the suggestion a fact that did not go unnoticed by Carol. "Is that so?" I managed to murmur, taking a dainty bite from one of the sandwiches she had prepared.

For a single moment she tore her eyes away from the road, narrowing her eyes at me with a look of intrigue. "Girl, girl where does your mind go?" She asked, smiling at herself and shaking her head.

I wondered if she knew that my mind always travelled back to her. I wondered if it were the same? If thoughts of me, slipped beneath the cracks of her daydreams. If during meetings, conversations over lunch, I would pop in to her thoughts, clouding over anything that was being said or done.

The room was lavish and beautiful. I stepped around it, taking in everything, with a sense of awe. Standing in the centre of the generous sized lounge, the bags in my hand had dropped to the ground with a thud and my eyes had busied themselves with drinking in every detail of this beautiful room. The lounge was charmingly decorated with a wide expansive love seat that had ornate, golden arms. Sitting atop dark, sleek brown furniture was an exquisite gramophone that my fingers itched to reach out and touch. My mind was already painting pictures of the night ahead, of Carol and I dressed to the nines after dinner, dancing to the music that poured out in to the room.  
"It's handsome alright" Carol whistled, leaning against a wall with her hands folded against her chest and her mouth pursed in delight. She had shed her heavy fur and I noted that she was wearing the sleek, black, pant suit that I adored. The outfit hugged at her curves and made the red of her lipstick seemed impossibly more vibrant.

"Carol it's wonderful"

She winked at me. "I'm glad you like it darling. You deserve it…"

"We deserve it" I corrected her, walking across the lounge to take her in my arms. Instinctively she allowed her head to rest against my shoulder, a contented sigh whispered in to my ear.

"We deserve it" She repeated, sliding an arm across the small of my back. "We have a table booked at seven, which gives us more than enough time to get ready and to share…"

There was a knock at the door and I pulled away in surprise./div

"Perfect timing" Carol said, gently tapping the tip of my nose with a fingertip./div

She fetched her purse and strode towards the door.

"Good afternoon Ma'am" A young man in uniform who spoke in polite, perfected, tones stood in the opened doorway with a service trolley.  
"Good afternoon"

"You ordered some champagne?" He asked with a hint of nervousness. I dared anybody not to be nervous in Carols company.

"Perfect way to treat ourselves after a day on the road" She commented. She had a wonderful ability to make small talk.

"Certainly Ma'am"

He pushed the trolley in to the lounge and stood off to one side, awkwardly.

"Thank you" Carol chimed, expertly delivering a tip in to his eager palm.

"Many thanks to you and I wish you a pleasant evening" He replied with a slight bow of his head.

"Champagne" I gasped with a hand to my chest. "You shouldn't have"

She busied herself with the champagne bottle, the cork popping with that delightful sound and a flight of bubbles that frothed over the neck of the bottle. "I like to treat you" She reasoned. "And besides I like to do things in style" She raised both eyebrows and decanted the champagne in to two flutes. "To us my darling" She toasted, clinking her glass against mine with a chime.

"To us" I repeated. I drank down a mouthful of champagne, mouth coming alive with the taste and sensation of bursting bubbles.

We sat on the love seat drinking our champagne. Carol had kicked off her heels and brought her feet up to rest in my waiting lap. I massaged her feet with tender hands and she groaned in response. "I could get used to this" She remarked, drinking down another mouthful of champagne. She reached down for the champagne bottle, which sat at the leg of the chair and refilled out glasses, noting with a shake of the bottle that we had drank the entire contents.

My body was enjoying the effects of the champagne and I grew bolder with my looks and touch. "You look divine in that suit Carol" I hummed, fingers slipping in to the leg of her trousers./div

"I remembered that you like it"

"I like you in it" I added and she smiled widely over the rim of her champagne flute.

"Is that so?"

I nodded my head. "I like the way it fits your body" I said, moving over so that I was sat, legs astride her bottom half. I drained the last of my champagne and put the glass on the floor. "I can't look at you in this without wanting to touch you" Our faces were mere inches apart and I skimmed the curves of her body with both hands. Carol remained silent, eyes hooded with a look of desire, even as I grasped the collar of her jacket in both hands and pulled her forward to crush my lips against hers with a sense of building need. I kissed her, long, slow, deep kisses that left her breathless and smudged the red of her lipstick, a visual representation of our passion. Kissing her brought to life the rest of my body and I found myself shamelessly grinding against her, feeling her respond with hands that clutched at the material of my shirt, balling the fabric in to fists that she made at the back of me. Perhaps it was the champagne, or maybe even the tensions of the past few days giving way like a stretched elastic band before us, but it felt as though we had never wanted and needed each other more. We were hungry for each other and we wasted no time in showing this, shedding clothing as quickly and as hurriedly as we could. The pant suit that I so greatly admired was lost to the carpeted lounge floor, hands desperately slipping in to the confines of underwear, our moans at the contact spilling out in to the room to battle with the heavy sense of our mounting lust. We moved against each other, mouths together as we kissed passionately, fingers reaching, grasping at that all familiar, unbelievable, softness, relishing in the contact as we inched closer and closer to the edge. Then there was Carol's moans, heavy and close to my ear, a hand snaking around my neck as she tensed, face hiding in the safety of my neck, her heart roaring like a drum so strong that I was sure I could hear it intermixed with the sounds in the room. The sound of her groans was all it took to bring me to the edge of my desire, the sounds I clung on to merging in to one overwhelming rush, that poured through my head, leaving me panting for breath at her side. I clung to her for a long, unwavering, moment, feeling the sensation of her hands stroking a line against the length of my spine. It was an effort just to concentrate on one thought, just to regain the steady consistency of my heart rate.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to drag myself away from you" Carol's voice was a whisper in my ear. "We have a dinner reservation in an hour and I'd like to be able to formulate a conversation"

I chuckled against her shoulder. "Just one more minute" I pleaded, snuggling in to the softness of her body.

"Just one more minute"


	6. Chapter 6

The dining room was as elaborate as the presidential suite. Patrons were dressed in a mixture of bow ties and tails, cocktail dresses and the finest jewellery sparkling under the glint of a hanging chandelier. The pomp and circumstance unnerved Therese somewhat and I was reminded of that wide eyed girl who had stood before me in Frankenbergs, all that time ago. I smiled my most reassuring smile as we were led, by a smartly dressed waiter with an oiled moustache, over to our own private table. I could practically see her breathe a sigh of relief at the acknowledgement that our table was hidden, in the back, in an alcove that made us feel like we were alone, comfortably separated from our fellow

"Some drinks to start Ma'am" He asked congenially, his question aimed in my direction.

"We'll have a bottle of champagne" I told him without looking at the menu.

"Certainly" He said before leaving the table.

"Carol!" She exclaimed, hidden behind a menu. "I'll barely make it back to the hotel room"

"It's a special occasion" I insisted. "We're drinking nothing but champagne all evening if I can help it"

"I'm feeling awfully spoilt" She said with a gentle shake of her head and a girlish smile that brought out the adorability of those charming dimples.

She looked immaculate in the warm glow of the dining room and I marvelled at her ability to look warm and inviting regardless of how nervous she was in this unfamiliar setting. She wore a beautiful navy blue dress that brought out the porcelain tone of her skin, and the fullness of her plum stained mouth. In front of my eyes she was evolving, growing in to someone I continued to admire and adore and I was full of pride for the woman she had become.

"I have no idea what to order" She commented, distracted as she pored over the contents of the menu. "I'm not used to such luxury"

"Well get used to it" I warned her, teasingly. "I'm going to wine and dine you as much as I possibly can. In fact I've rather made it my lives purpose to show you all the great trappings of life"

She smiled a warm, brilliant, smile that made me soften further. I was certainly coming to terms with the idea that I was becoming quite the sentimental romantic.

"Ladies…if I could take your order?"

"Yes…" I trailed off, taking one last lingering look at the extensive menu. "I think to start I'll have the caviar, followed by…I guess it's now or never…yes I'll have the clams"

"An excellent choice Ma'am the clams are especially delicious"

"That's music to my ears" I praised.

"I think…" Therese's voice was a nervous jumble and she kept her eyes pointed, firmly, in the direction of the menu in her hands. ""…I'd like to try the crab…"

"The soft shell crab is spectacular!" The waiter assured her with a bow of his head.

"Then I'm going to choose the clams also" She spoke hurriedly and when making her last suggestion I saw the colour rise in her cheeks. It made me feel especially protective and I was suddenly gripped by an urge to fling my arms around her and whisper sweet nothings in her ear. Not in full view of a busy dining room, i admonished myself with a pang of regret.

"I panicked" She explained, her eyes carefully watching the waiter as he retreated to the kitchen.

"Never mind. They are especially delicious!"

She giggled at this and allowed the tension to dissipate leaving her visibly relieved. "It's very fancy here Carol" She spoke the words as if they were a confession.

"It is my darling" I agreed.

Under the table, hidden by the overflowing table cloth, my feet found hers. I teased off my heels, naked feet finding hers and relishing at the sight of Therese's eyes widening in shock.

"Carol!" She exclaimed, eyes darting around the dining room with a guilty expression./

"Just a little reminder" I whispered, gracing her with my signature wink. "A place can never be too fancy when it comes to romance"

Then as quickly as that my heels were returned to my feet and a waiter was stood at our table pouring glasses of champagne, Therese's face a picture.

I sat on the edge of the bed, feeling the effects of that last glass of champagne. The room was filled with a welcoming glow and I was quite content to sit here and watch Therese take off her makeup in the reflection of the vanity mirror. She had removed her navy dress, which now lay, unloved on the carpeted floor, leaving her in nothing but a slip and her underwear. The lines of her body brought back memories of the many times I had kissed a trail along her side, stopping only when Therese had burst in to fits of laughter, insisting that she was far too ticklish. I had kissed every inch, every spot of her body, reciting it to memory where I would look back on it with great pleasure. Indeed it was fair to say that I was fascinated, entranced, by those beautiful lines and curves, so much so that I found myself love drunk at the sight of her.

I stood up, moving to stand behind her so that I could now see both our faces in the reflection of the mirror. Warm brown eyes met mine with a lazy indulgence, bottom lip snared between pearly white teeth, her signature expression of want. I allowed my hands to fuss with her hair, never losing contact with those intense, passionate, eyes. Fingertips slipped in to auburn tresses, soft sleek strands like honey to my fingertips. With a gentle tug I moved her head back until I could kiss the top of her forehead, my hand moving to caress the soft, line of her beautiful neck. She arched her head to kiss me, covering the hand at her neck with her own, clasping it with eager fingers. It was all too reminiscent of that night, our first night, in that hotel room and the memory of it imprinted itself on me like an overwhelming kiss. Life was different now, I reminded myself. The Therese that sat before me was not nervous with apprehension, not putty in my hands, but something all together more incredible. She was charged in her movements and melting in her desire for me. There was no aggressor just the two of us in a silent dual to kiss more, to feel more, to have more.

I led her to the edge of the bed and sat down at her knees, taking the bottom of her slip in my hands and removing it in a matter of seconds. It uncovered the sleekness of her toned body, as rich and as smooth as porcelain. My hands drank in the exquisite softness of her skin with great appreciation, moving, inching ever closer to her soft, full, thighs. "You're breathtaking" I gasped, looking up to meet curious brown eyes that were rich and filled with feeling. She held my face in her hands looking in to my eyes with a look of complete devotion. Those eyes. Such incredibly wonderful eyes that spoke louder than any word we could say. She kissed me, almost, harshly, mouth crushed against mine as she gave in to the passion and desire that mounted in her as my hands crept ever closer. I reached the lace of her underwear, fingers tugging until they were free, coasting along her ankles to drop to the floor, soundlessly. With great concentration I kissed the length of her thighs, warranting the deep inhalation of breath, hands grasping to find the spot at the back of my neck. She urged me closer both with the touch of, insistent, hands and her groans of delight that were low and hushed, growing louder with every brush of my lips against skin.

"Carol…" She said with a sense of frustration that made a smile pull at the corners of my lips. I wanted to take my time with her. I had sat through that dinner, drinking in the sight of her, working myself up in to a frenzy, reassured only by the knowledge that I would soon get her alone and out of that beautiful dress.

Therese's hands slipped in to my hair, pulling at the blonde locks with a gentle insistence, that line between pleasure and pain feeding in to the lust I felt. She could not wait any longer and I obliged, drinking in the heat of her, feeling my own heat rising. The hand in my hair tightened its grip and I gripped her knees to steady myself, buoyed by the sounds of her cries that shook the deepest part of me. She was heavenly, a silken softness that I could not get enough of. I did not have to question my effect on her as she slumped back against the bed, body shaking ever so slightly, her gasps filling the air.

She lay on her back, eyes closed to take in the wonderful afterglow. I joined her on the bed, my cheeks flushed, my own heart beating in my chest. Instinctively she curled her body around me, her face tucked in to my chest, delicate hands clutching at my shoulders.  
Yes I could certainly get used to this.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Happy birthday!" I exclaimed my face a sure picture of excitement. Carol groaned and made a lame attempt at batting me away.

"How can you stand to be so damned chirpy in the mornings is beyond me" She complained, sitting up in bed and propping a pillow against her back.

"Because it's your birthday. It's a special day"

She rolled her eyes at me. "Is it?"

I nodded my head. "It is indeed. I'm making you breakfast" I told her, placing wrapped gifts down on the bedspread.

"You didn't need to go to all this trouble" She chided but never the less her palm found the familiar resting spot of my cheek and she stroked my face. "Thank you my darling" She purred, planting a soft sweet kiss against my mouth.

"Open it" I insisted my enthusiasm spilling out of me.

She gave me another weary look before opening her gifts. She whistled in glee. "What a museum piece this wrapping is"

I shrugged my shoulders.

"Beautiful gloves" Carol remarked, taking out the pair of leather gloves to admire them further. "I just adore the smell of leather" She breathed the scent in with a wistful expression. "Very handsome they are too" She leaned in to plant a kiss on my cheek.

"Now the other one!" I cried, clapping my hands together in excitement. "I hope you like it…I"

"Therese!" She gently warned me. "Of course I will like it" She added, pulling out the photo album that I had decorated by hand. "What's this?" She wondered aloud, looking over the fine detail with great enjoyment. She opened it, greeted by the sight of our many memories, all there for the eye to see in black and white. From beginning to today, a trail of our time together, snapshots of the many things we had seen, worn and had, in perfect focus. Her eyes softened as she looked over the images with fond familiarity. She stopped at a photo of our trip to the lake, a fingertip stroking over our faces with love on her mind. "Beautiful" She said, her voice holding all the emotion that was written in her expression. "Simply beautiful" She kisses me again and continued to trawl through the photo's, stopping to remark on different occasions. "I love you in that outfit" She said, wistfully. "You should wear it more often"

"You really like it?" I knew it would irritate her to ask but i couldn't help myself. I wanted so badly to give Carol the world and more.

"My darling I don't like it…I love it" Her voice was tender and soft with love. She held her arms out and drew me in for an embrace. "It's wonderful and i will treasure it always"

We remained like this for a long moment before I compelled myself to pull away.

"Lets just stay like this" She insisted, indulgently.

I shook my head. "I'm afraid not Ms Aird. I have much to do"

Carol gave me a mock glare. "What could be more important than lying here with me?"

"I have plans for you" I said, glancing over my shoulder with a wry smile.

"Is that so?" She cried after me. "It had better not include a party hat"

I chuckled to myself and retreated back in to the kitchen, which was brimming to life with the sights and smells of brunch.

I'd been practicing, trying out recipes until I found the perfect combination. This was no ordinary morning and though I couldn't compete with Carols lavish spending I hoped to match it with effort and enthusiasm.

I rolled up my sleeves with a sense of determination. I had set the table earlier with a beautiful table cloth I had spied on a market stall, repairing it myself to return it to its fine glory. There was a bunch of woodland flowers and a decanter filled with freshly squeezed orange juice. I thought back to five am, padding in to the cold kitchen to juice the flesh of reluctant oranges, the smell of which had seemed to permeate the skin on my hands. Next to them was a veritable mountain of jams and chutneys, canned fruits and buttery French biscuits all ready to be feasted on.

Stood, propped up against the jars of preserves, was a hand drawn menu.

I set to work whisking eggs and adding milk, sugar, flour and cinnamon.

"Darling!" Carol exclaimed, followed by that low husky laughter. "You really didn't need to go to such trouble" She gently admonished.

"Nonsense!" I insisted, wiping the mixture with great gusto. I watched as she surveyed the table, picking up jars and dried flowers with interest. She picked up the menu her face softening with a look of adoration.

"French toast" She read off the menu voice tailing off in to a whisper. "Adorable" She cooed blowing me a delightful kiss.

"I try"

She sat down at the table and poured glasses of orange juice.

"Squeezed by hand" I informed her.

"Well I'm certainly being spoilt" She drank down some of the orange juice and nodded her head in appreciation. "Delicious"

"I should hope so. I think I got most of it in my eye" I tutted.

"My poor darling" She took a bite from one of the biscuits and responded with delight. "Now let's get to the bones of it. What do you have in store for me?"

I threw my head back and laughed. "You sound as though you're preparing for an interrogation" I quipped.

"Well now a girls got to be prepared"

"I'm taking you out for the day"

"Is there a dress code?"

"Wear something warm"

She looked at me quizzically. "Something warm?" She wondered her mind searching out possibilities.

"Something warm" I confirmed.

"I can see I'm going to get little information out of you!" She chided, flicking on the radio to fill the kitchen with the distant sound of jazz. She hummed along, nibbling at the rest of her biscuit. "Smells delicious" She shouted over the sound of music.

"Almost ready" I replied. I decorated the French toast with brown sugar and fresh sliced fruits, surveying my efforts critically. It didn't quite live up to expectations but it would do and it was made with love.

I placed it in front of her with a half sheepish look. "I'm not sure if it's supposed to look like this?" I wondered with a shrug of my shoulders.

"Nonsense" She interjected. "It looks delicious and I'm famished." She wiggled her eyebrows at me and raised her fork mid air. "Bon appetite" She said before taking a bite.

I shrank back in my chair like a love sick teen, memories of that first lunch flooding back, making me weak.

She made all the right sounds, tucking in to the breakfast with great enthusiasm. When finished she dabbed at her face with a napkin. "It was superb. My compliments to the chef"

I smiled under a wave of praise, smiling so wide I felt my cheeks pinch.

"Would it be remiss to kiss the chef?"

I played along seeming to consider the question in a very professional manner. "I'm not sure...?" I cupped my chin with a hand. "It could be deemed unprofessional. A bribe even!"

She roared with laughter and slapped her knee with a napkin. "A bribe?" She hooted. "Would it be a bribe if I wanted the chef even more than the French toast?" She wagered.

She came to me, easing herself down on to my lap. I noted with a developing blush that her robe had come apart, giving me a generous view of her breasts.

"I imagine this would be classified as fraternising" Her voice, husky and deep, whispered in my ear. I felt the hairs on my neck stand to attention, my body a map of goosebumps.

"I've decided I'm quite happy to accept bribes" I concluded, revelling in the feel of her fingers lightly scraping the skin at the back of my neck.

"I'm glad to hear it" Her voice had all the tell tale signs of distraction as she concentrated on the task at hand. She nuzzled my neck, her face unbelievably soft and welcoming. I gulped at the contact certain that I could feel her smiling against me.

"What sort of bribe would be considered?" She asked, fixing me with eyes that were smouldering to life with unreserved heat.

My mind searched for something...anything! A witty response, a sharp one liner, but instead the feel of her pressed against me clouded any sense of intelligence. I dared myself to give in and reach out, to touch her first and put an end to this display of teasing. My hand reached out, slipping between the flimsy confines of her parted robe, to cup a deliciously soft, pert, breast, that responded instinctively to my touch. I was still getting used to this new role as the pursuer. I had been so complacent. Drowning in Carol to the point that i waited with baited breath for her every move. I dreamt of her touch, desperately waiting for it with a sense of longing I felt would engulf me. Now. Now we were equals. Now I could see her, touch her, taste her, feel her in every facet of my waking life. But I still felt that trepidation. I still gulped down nervousness when my hand reached out and touched her warm skin.

"This is a starting point" My words were eaten up by the gravel in my voice. I cleared my throat.

"Do we have time to finish? Or are we on a schedule?" A perfectly manicured eyebrow arched in questioning. For effect she glanced down at the watch on her wrist and back up to the hand at her chest.

"We can make time" I emphatically stated. "We can always make time"

"This is turning out to be a beautiful day. Even if it's my birthday" She whispered, leaning in for a tender kiss. She slipped off my lap, allowing her robe to part completely, and took my hand in her own to lead me in to the bedroom.

"I know I said we could make time..." I trailed off, sitting up in bed so that the blanket slipped down to rest at the small of my back.

"I don't want to derail your plans" She chuckled her hands stroking the nakedness of my back.

"Anymore of that and you will most definitely derail my plans" I countered.

The car roared to life. Carol in her new leather gloves, gripped the wheel dressed in a full, heavy, fur and elegant hat.

I gave her a vague sense of directions, making sure not to give away the surprise of my location.

"It's a mystery!" Her voice was distorted by the cigarette resting, casually, between her lips.

"That's the intention" I smiled broadly. I tried not to give in to my nerves. Would she think it silly? When I had originally chosen this romantic spot for her birthday surprise I was sure, certain even, that she would think it a most glorious idea. Now? Now I was not so sure. I hugged the bag on my lap and hoped for the best.

"Is this the spot?" Carol asked with questioning eyes.

I nodded my head. "It is indeed"

"Hmm?"

I laughed at her response. "It will all be revealed" I teased.

"Is that so?"

We laughed together, climbing out the car and in to what appeared to be sprawling woodland. The trees were stripped of leaves, brittle and masked with a layer of sparkling snow. It was a beautiful scene and without hesitation I snapped a photograph of Carol and the back drop of snow with the camera hanging at my neck.

"You don't want to give me a hint of a warning?"

I smiled behind the lens and took another photograph, shaking my head in disagreement. "Absolutely not. It's better natural"

We walked together, our breath like clouds of smoke in the cold air. Our footsteps were crunches of movement that left a trail of memory in our wake. I resisted the urge to hold her hand, feeling a renewed confidence that was inspired by the beauty that surrounded us.

We drew closer, the sound of distant laughter becoming more apparent with every footstep.

As we rounded the corner the outdoor rink came in to view. There were young lovers, arm in arm, wrapped up in winter gear and gliding across the stretch of ice with looks of merriment. Children frolicked with red noses that were caught out by the cold. In the distance was a man selling roasted chestnuts, the sweet, bonfire, smell crossing the expanse to tease at my senses.

Carol's look of joy was enough to settle my persistent nerves and I reached for my bag, retrieving two sets of handsome skates.

"This is quite the spot for a pair of star crossed lovers" She told me, setting about removing her shoes to slip on the skates.

"The perfect spot" I whispered in her ear, steadying her as she tied her laces. "I can touch you without hesitation"

She hesitated for a mere second before the thought dawned on her, surprise written all over her face. "How very clever!" She praised. "Who would question two gal pals holding each other for support?"

I nodded my head. I relished in the idea of having some normality. I wondered how people took for granted such simple pleasures in life? The notion that they could embrace, give in to their emotions and kiss on a simple whim, filled me with a sense of resentment. Would there ever be a time when I could take Carols hands in my own without fear of judgemental, dangerous, eyes? It didn't seem possible but for now this picture, perfect, setting would have to do.

We stepped, with great difficulty, towards the rink, easing ourselves on to it with a nervous anticipation.

"Have you done this before?" I asked, holding on to her hips to guide her on to the ice. Even through the thickness of her fur I could feel her soft curves.

"Many moons ago" She answered dubiously.

"I'll reacquaint you" I promised. "I used to go skating every winter"

"Did you?"

"Yes. I've always been a bit of a natural I suppose" I commented, moving behind Carol to grip her hips my body steadying her. She leaned back against me, settling in to the movement.

"This feels incredible" She whispered back at me. "Half of me is screaming out that we shouldn't be doing this in public"

I gripped her tighter. "Look around Carol" I guided her, scanning the rink with observant eyes. There were no social rules here. Chaps steadied their pals, some of them falling to the ground with an almighty thud. Girls held hands and glided with great precision across the ice, giggling as they went. "Nobody could possibly suspect a thing"

"It's perfect" She told me, glancing over her shoulder to grace me with her beautiful, blue eyes. The cold had already set about painting her face a delicate pink, the tip of her nose and her cheeks bearing the brunt. I held her close, so close that it warmed me from within, the perfect barrier to the cold snap in the air.

The more we skated the more Carol's confidence grew. With gentle encouragement we parted, holding hands as we skated together in perfect harmony.

"I'm quite enjoying myself" Carol's voice was giddy as she allowed herself to show off a little, attempting to skate faster, colliding, gently, with the edge and gripping it for dear life when she thought she might fall.

We skated merrily for what felt like hours, holding each other to our hearts content, not giving in until our legs ached and the sky began to darken around us. With a pang of disappointment we made our way out of the rink, sitting to eat roasted chestnuts the warmth a most generous relieve from the cold.

"This has been the most perfect birthday" Carol whispered, bumping shoulders with me playfully.

"It has"

She touched my hand, just for a brief second, and smiled at me, her smile traced with sadness. "How wonderful it was to be able to touch you without fear"

I nodded my head. "It was"

"But how difficult it made not kissing you"

I smiled back at her. "Come on…" i stood up and held out a hand to help her up. "…lets get back home"

We stepped in to the apartment and immediately felt the comfort of warmth. Somehow the cold felt like it had gotten in to my blood and I set about bringing the fireplace to life. I threw on logs and started lighting kindling. There was nothing more perfect than the smell of a fire as you sat back and relaxed on a lazy evening.

"I'll pour us a glass of wine" Carol called from the kitchen.

The fire roared to life and painted the living room in vibrant orange. I held my hands out in front of the flames, sighing with delight as the heat permeated the coldness of my hands. Through the crackling sound of the fire I heard the phone ring, it's insistent tone an unwanted guest.

"I'll get it…" Carol called. "…It's probably Abbie wishing me a happy birthday…Hello?"

Call it intuition but I knew it wasn't Abbie. I froze, rooted to the spot as I heard Carol's clipped tones.

"Harge…" The irritation was plain to hear and I admire Carol for not attempting to mask it. "…Is that so?…How would you like me to act Harge. i haven't heard from you in weeks…"

I listened intently, cursing Harge for spoiling her birthday.

"I would love to…" The irritation was gone now and in it's place was a sense of hope. It hurt my heart to think of Carol so hopeful, so pleading. "Hello Rindy…my love"


	7. Chapter 7

Sometimes the past comes crashing around you. Even the idea that I could think that way was like a dagger to my heart. Had I ever imagined that when I'd held her in my arms, cradling her to sleep that I would ever be parted from her? That she would ever be thought of as past tense?

Old friends, who have since drifted away, cannot possibly fathom how I could choose love over my own child. They wouldn't understand. They couldn't understand. It wasn't so simple as to be considered a decision. This was not about choosing. How could it be? She was my flesh, my blood, I had created her, I had loved her and would love her every single day of my life. It wasn't a choice. It was a sentence, a conviction based on who I am and who I love. Is love a choice? Perhaps I couldn't fathom that notion. Perhaps I couldn't see how love was a choice but instead something that grows within you, impossible to separate and as natural as the blood that courses through your veins.

"I have to go now Mummy. Will I see you soon?"

I gripped the telephone for dear life. "I hope so my darling…"

There was the sound of movement and the crackle of the line. "That's it" Harge's clipped voice interrupted.

"I can't even get a visit from my daughter on my birthday Harge?" I could not help myself, the ice was in my voice and it was aimed directly at him.

"You'll get a visit" He replied with a deep sigh. "I've told you…I don't know how many times…I've told you that if things change you can see her, you can see her all you want…"

"Things won't change" I bit back at him. "Not in the sense that you mean"

He sighed again, deeper, more weary. I could sense the frustration in him. "Why do you have to make things so god damned difficult?" He snapped.

"I want to see her Harge. I want to see her more"

"God dammit…" His voice was practically a growl. I couldn't help but despair over Rindy, my mind painting a picture of her huddled in the hallway, hearing her parents argue over the telephone. "…don't you listen?"

I closed my eyes, feeling the hot sting of tears. "I…will…not…change" I stressed the words one by one.

Then there was nothing but the chime of a dead line. I stood like this with the phone in hand, blinking back tears. I did not want to give in to the tears and instead allowed myself to take on a wave of anger. I was so angry. The pleasure of hearing her voice was erased by the bitterness of Harge's words. I would not allow myself to be held hostage in this battle of wills. I would not allow Harge to manipulate me in to changing who I am, who I would always be.

Therese stood, sheepishly, in the opened doorway of the living room. Her face was such a picture of despair that I felt my heart melt at the sight. There was a sense of hopelessness in her eyes as she remained, fixed to the doorway, terrified to spring forward and approach me.

I held out my arms, watching intently as her body gave in to relief, stepping in to my embrace with an open heart. She was such a wonderfully, beautiful person. I wrapped my arms around her, drinking in the smell of her perfume, kissing the softness of her hair. I thought of the magical day we had spent together and raged at the knowledge that things would be so much simpler in societies eyes if she were a man. She gripped the back of my coat in bunched fists, desperate to hold me as tightly as she possibly could. It would be simper but it would not be the same. It would not be her. I thought of the softness of her body, the gentle curves and lines that I had spent hours pouring over with my eyes, tracing with my hands. I thought of the way she smelt, the perfume that she dabbed at her delicate wrists, that smelt both strong and soft but unmistakably feminine. I thought of her hands in mine, small but purposeful hands that loved me fiercely. No I would not change. I would not change this.

Therese glared at the opened suitcase on the bed with a slowly simmering hatred.

"I won't be long" I assured her, swooping down for a chaste kiss. I folded a shirt, placing it neatly in to the suitcase, tutting at Therese as she attempted to remove it. "Just an overnight visit" I reminded her, placing the offending item back in to the case with a firm look.

"I won't be able to sleep without you" She mumbled miserably. "We haven't slept apart since I came to live here"

I couldn't help but coo over her, indulging her pouting lips and grumpy face. "My darling I have to go. Abbie isn't well and we need somebody to choose the new line of furniture for the store"

She shrugged her shoulders, committed to being as petulant as possible. Even in tantrums she was magnificently beautiful. I sat down beside her on the bed and slipped an arm around her neck. "I'll call you when I get there"

She nodded her head. "I can see I'm not going to be able to convince you not to go" She sighed dramatically.

I chuckled in response with a shake of my head. "I'm afraid not" I replied, kissing her nose.

The 'sure fire rocket' as Abbie had described her was a formidable woman, dressed to kill in a tightly fitting dress and heels. Her strawberry blonde hair had a soft wave to it, lips a subtle shade of pink and with nails painted a deep aubergine. She drummed her fingers against a book shelf, receiver tucked against her ear with an air of impatience.

"I don't care…" Her voice was calm but confident, filling the room to leave me with a sense of awkwardness. As of yet she had not noticed me and I was hesitant to interrupt her conversation. "…I wanted it yesterday!" She exclaimed. "Patrick now you listen to me carefully, I want that piece tomorrow. No ifs not ands not buts…NO excuses" She slammed the phone down, sending vibrations through the coffee table.

Not a minute later her eyes settled on me, just the smallest hint of alarm coming to the surface before it was contained, hidden behind an air of professionalism. "My apologies" She greeted me, extending a hand.

"Sounds like you've got a live wire there" I replied, holding her hand in mine and noting that she had a firm shake.

"That's putting it mildly" She said with a raised brow. "How can I help you?"

"I'm here for Abbie" I explained.

"Ahh!" She exclaimed with a wide smile. "So you're the Carol?" She asked with a hint of suggestion in her tone. I wondered how much Abbie had told her and how much I'd have to wring her neck when I got back.

"The one and only" I replied with a mock degree of self-importance.

"Well now, it's lovely to meet you. I'm Cynthia. What do you say I close up shop and pour us a brandy? I've had a killer of a day" She walked towards the door with a swing of her hips and a bounce in her step. As the door swung shut, creaking in sympathy, I couldn't help but breath a sigh of relief. Nothing settled your nerves like a good brandy.

I took off my hat, glancing in a mirror, to preen my hair. "That sounds like a marvellous idea" I said, concentrating on the task of fixing my unruly hat hair.

I don't know how long she had been standing there before she coughed under her breath and offered me a large glass. I felt my cheeks flush, ever so slightly, thinking how terribly vain she must think me. She had a knowing expression in her eyes, perching on the arm of a chair to sip at the crystal tumbler in her hands. "So…" She began, pursing her lips in thought. "…What are your plans?"

"My plans?" I smiled politely back at her. "I'd like to settle the tab for our new line and arrange for it to be delivered?"

She nodded her head slowly. "Well now that should take all of the best part of half an hour. I don't imagine you're travelling home this evening?" She asked searchingly.

I took a hearty slug of the brandy, feeling it warm a path down my throat. "I've got a hotel room"

"And reservations for dinner?" She asked with a searching look.

"I hadn't thought about it" I admitted with a shrug of my shoulders.

She drank down the last of her brandy and slapped her hands together with finality. "Well then that's settled it. I'm fixing you a dinner…"

"No honestly I couldn't impose" I insisted.

"Nonsense! A friend of Abbie's is a friend of mine and no friend of mine is eating alone on a Friday night" She said forcefully, her eyes wide and bright, matching the smile on her face. "Now I suggest we get this sorted out and I'll give you my address"

She began scrambling around in the back room leaving me to consider her suggestion. I felt a pang of concern in the pit of my stomach. She was friendly enough, perhaps a little too friendly? I couldn't be sure. I thought back to my conversation with Abbie.

"I'm telling you I would have had this one in the bag!" She had told me with a tone of despair. I shook away any lingering doubts. She was just being friendly, I reiterated.

"Have you eaten?" I asked. I lit a cigarette and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Not yet. I'm going out for a couple of drinks with the guys from the office" She told me. "It's Jack's birthday so we're going to celebrate with a few beers"

"A few?"

She chuckled into the receiver and the sound of her laughter warmed my heart. "A few" She repeated. 

"I'll expect a phone call at three am that says differently" I countered.

She laughed again. "I apologise in advance" I could hear the smile in her words and my mind happily painted a picture of her in our home. She'd still be in the outfits she wore to work, professional but not as stuffy as a pant suit. I wondered if she was wearing her beautiful spotted blouse, tucked in to the waist band of her black trousers. I loved her in that blouse. She somehow managed to be demure and bohemian all at the same time.

"Don't" I urged sounding more serious than I had intended. "It's charming. You're always so passionate and demonstrative when you've been drinking"

"I'll remember that. What are you going to do?"

I exhaled deeply. "Abbie's friend has invited me over for dinner"/span/div

"That's nice of her"

It was, I reasoned. It was very nice of her. "I don't know" I groaned, conflicted. "She's very over familiar" I admitted, laying down on the bed.

"People are always over familiar with you Carol"

"Are they?"

"They're curious about you. You're a very interesting person" She asserted.

I laughed loudly, punctuating her sentence. "Is that so?"

"Mm hmm" She hummed.

"Maybe you're right. I don't know…" I sighed again. "…It would be rude to turn down such a polite invitation" I reasoned, attempting to convince myself in the process.

"Exactly. That's the doorbell. I'd better go. I love you"

"I love you too"

"I'll give you a call…say three am to check she hasn't invited you over for breakfast" She said teasingly.

"Very funny!"

"Please sit down. Make yourself comfortable" Cynthia called out from the kitchen. There was the distant sound of music flowing in from the kitchen and the smell of a hot meal cooking that triggered my rumbling stomach. I looked around the living room. It was immaculately designed, with stylish pieces of furniture and a sprawling book shelf that spanned from floor to ceiling. The books were mostly first editions, spines showing the wear and tear of age, bound in colours of greens and reds.

"My fathers" I turned to find her leaning against the doorframe and drying her hands on the apron she was wearing. "Inherited" She added with a non committal shrug of her shoulders that told me more than I needed to know.

"They're remarkable"

She smiled at me, her eyes lingering on my frame. "Dinner should be ready in a moment. Glass of wine?"

"A small one" I interjected much to her surprise. "I'm driving" I explained.

She gave me one last lingering look before returning to the kitchen. There was a palpable tension in the air and there was no denying it. I sat down on the leather sofa, feeling it give way, ever so slightly beneath me. With a deep sigh I contemplated the evening ahead with a conflicting feeling.

"Dinner's ready" Cynthia called out and I stood up, following the sound of her voice in to the dining room.

The dinner table was set impeccably, with a beautiful bloom of flowers filling the room with an evocative sweetness. Two bowls of steaming soup were laid out on the table with freshly baked rolls.

"Looks delicious" I said, sitting down at the table. Perhaps things wouldn't be so awkward after all?

Later on we retired to the living room with a sherry.

"You're a good looking woman Carol" Cynthia spoke the words with a glint in her eyes.

I blinked back the surprise. "Thank you" I replied politely.

"You're surprised to hear me say that?" She sat back on the sofa, tucking her bare feet beneath her.

I shrugged my shoulders and tilted my head to the side. "Not exactly"

She lifted her head back with laughter, the sound of her throaty chuckle filling the room with sound. "Well alright then" She said under her breath. "Abbie told me that you were both in a relationship, at one time. That it had been complicated"

"A long time ago" I interrupted.

She moved closer. "I wasn't expecting you to be so striking"

"Really I…" My cheeks flushed and I was filled with a sense of awkwardness which she mistook for my being coy. She placed a hand over mine, stroking the back of my hand with her fingertips. "Cynthia I'm in a relationship" I explained.

"I know" She moved her hand on to my knee, cupping it with a gentle grasp. "This doesn't have to go any further" She assured me, stroking my knee gently. "Abbie has remarkably good taste"

She began to lean in closer, so close that I could smell her perfume, strong and fragrant but not at like Therese's. It jarred with my memories and I pushed her hand away from me in one swift movement. I could see the surprise in her eyes as I got to my feet.

"Thank you for your hospitality" I politely said.

Cynthia remained seated her features framed with a look of disbelief. "Carol…"

"It's getting late" I announced coldly, my words clipped.

"Stay…" She cajoled, tugging on my arm gently.

"It's getting late" I repeated.

She shook her head, chuckling dryly under her breath. "Well I'll be damned" She muttered. "I misread the signs"

I shot her a look of irritation. "You saw what you wanted to see"

"I saw what I wanted to see?" She asked, sitting up to cross her slender legs.

"I'll pass on your regards to Abbie" I shot back, retrieving my coat from a hanger in the hallway. She followed me, placing a hand on my shoulder as I put on my coat in a hurry.

"What can I say?" She wondered aloud. "Can't blame a girl for trying"

I sat in the car, gripping the steering wheel tightly until the tips of my fingers turned white with the strain. Sat in the back was my suitcase, hurriedly packed and dumped on the back seat without hesitation. I couldn't explain it but Cynthia's advances had unnerved me. It had reminded me of how lonely I had been before Therese. It reminded me of the nights I had spent with women like Cynthia, always hurried, always rushed, always with a sense of shame. It had been so easy, had seemed so easy, just to give in to my desires for one, solitary night. Easy? I shuddered at the thought. It hadn't been easy, in fact it had taken pieces of me with it.

Suddenly the idea of staying in a cold hotel room had seemed like torture. I started the engine and drove off in to the night.

When I reached the street to our house the clock in the car read 3.00am. I smiled at the coincidence of it, wondering if Therese would be home and what state she would be in.

I turned my key in the lock as quietly as I possibly could, wincing at the jarring sounds of the lock turning open. I opened the door, a faint light shining from the kitchen. There was the sound of low music floating in to my ears, filling my senses with a warmth I savoured.

"Hello?" Therese called out, her head darting out from the opened kitchen doorway. Her expression was a mixture of fear and intrigue, a rolled cigarette teetering between two fingers. "Carol?!" She asked, alarmed.

I closed the door behind me stepping towards her, each solid movement feeling like a lifetime of distance between us. She was wearing my oversized white shirt, one side of it tucked in to the waist band of her black trousers, the other dangling loosely in front of her. Her beautiful, thick hair, was hastily tied back, soft tumbling locks falling in front of her face.

"I thought you were staying at a hotel?" She asked with mounting confusion only amplified by my sudden grip around her waist. "Carol?" Her voice was muffled by my hair as I held her to me without so much as an inch to spare. "Did something happen?"

"Let's just say she invited me for breakfast" I replied in a dead pan tone.

"Abbie's friend made a pass at you?"

I nodded in to her chest. "I just wanted to be with you. I didn't want to wait"

"What did she do?" Therese asked with a note of concern. She held my shoulders in her hands, gently backing me away, her eyes scanning my face.

"She tried to make a move" I mumbled, busying myself with tracing the shape of her body under the billowing shirt. "Nothing I haven't had before but…" I trailed off, shaking my head in a effort to push back this overwhelming feeling that left me exposed and vulnerable in her arms. She scanned my face, her eyes seemingly reading my every thought. She had an ability, a gift I called it, to sense things. Call it intuition, call it a deep sensitivity and compassion, but I knew I didn't have to explain the way I was feeling. I knew that she understood.

She wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me in to press a kiss against the side of my head. "Let's have a beer and I'll roll you a cigarette"

"I can relive my youth" I quipped feeling myself instantly relaxed in her company.

She gave me a sideways glance before retrieving two cold bottles of beer from the fridge. She held them in one hand, reaching to hold mine in the other. She grasped my hand in hers, leading me in to the living room. She opened a bottle, handing it to me with a charming look in her eyes. I couldn't put it in to words but the sight of her, here in front of me, so haphazardly dressed and with an endearing smile on her face, made my stomach flip. I felt like a school girl, blushing under the watchful eyes of her crush. She was charming alright, more charming than I could handle. As she busied herself, rolling two perfectly formed cigarettes on a bent knee, I thought about how much I wanted her, how much I adored her. It sounded so smug in her head but I couldn't believe my luck. To feel such intense want and to love someone, whole just as they were, felt like a gift I had never anticipated having.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She asked, curiously.

I drank down a mouthful of my beer and reached for a cigarette. "I'll show you in about..." I trailed off, estimating the time it would take me to drain the contents of the bottle and smoke down the rolled cigarette. "...say ten minutes or so?"

Her eyes grew larger, cheeks tinged subtly pink, and a coy smile framing her exquisite mouth as her mind began to run wild. "Yes ma'am" She replied with a mock salute, lighting both of our cigarettes in one swift movement.

I smiled back at her and took a long drag of the cigarette, allowing my eyes to linger on her suggestively as I exhaled a cloud of smoke, teasing myself with the thought of pulling open that shirt and kissing the softness I knew waited for me. She watched me closely, content to take part in this game of anticipation. She smoked silently, almost broodingly, and I marvelled at the way she looked, deep in contemplation. I stubbed out my cigarette and watched as she repeated the action.

"Come with me" I whispered my voice gravelly and filled with intention.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

"What kind of a party is it?" I asked, keeping my eyes directed on my reflection in the bedroom mirror as I applied blush to my cheeks.

"Wear that beautiful shirt will you?" Carol asked, squeezing my shoulder as she passed me by. "Just a small gathering. A few of the strays Abbie's collected along the way"

"Not Cynthia?"

"Let's just say Abbie's a little bent out of shape about the whole thing"

I chuckled at my reflection, scrutinising my face before deciding to add a little more lipstick. Truth be told I was still getting used to transforming myself with the touch of a brush. In times of great nerves it almost felt like an armour. "She's jealous she didn't get there first?"

"Fiercely! I think Abbie's getting a little sick of searching for a girlfriend" She quipped, wriggling in to a bottle green dress. "Do me up would you darling?"

I obliged, lifting her silken blonde hair to press a kiss against the base of her neck. I savoured these moments no matter how ordinary they had become.

...

"Carol!" A tale brunette squealed with delight rushing forward.

"Jeanie! Well I haven't laid eyes on you in years" Carol greeted her with an embrace, the two wrapping arms around each other like long lost friends.

"My goodness…" Jeanie said, her eyes drinking in the sight of Carol with a readable surprise. "…you look absolutely astonishing. I'm getting a little long in the tooth myself. What's your secret?" She gushed with her eyes glowing and mouth widening in to a smile.

"Her secret!" Abbie quipped giving me a sideways glance. "What is your secret Carol?" She teased with a telling expression.

Carol shooed her away. "A solid eight hours sleep" She replied with a wink./span/div

"I shouldn't think so Carol…" Jeanie began, gracing me with a delighted smile. "…is this your young lover?"

I felt my cheeks redden at being the sudden centre of attention.

"This is Therese" Carol introduced me, squeezing my hand with a reassuring hold.

"What a fine couple you make" Jeanie remarked. "Lovely to meet you Therese. Don't mind us. I live such a dull life that you're naturally the talk of the town"

Carol shot her with a disapproving stare. "Jeanie for gods sake"

Jeanie held her hands up in surrender. "What?" She balked. "We're all slavishly jealous of course" She added, taking in the sight of me with a pleasant smile. "Let's fix you up with a drink Therese" She suggested, taking hold of my hand and pulling me away from Carol. "I'd like to hear all about the mysterious Carol Aird. I hear she's quite the changed woman"

"I…" I began, spluttering my words.

"Go easy on her Jeanie!" Carol teased, throwing me an apologetic look as I glanced at her over my shoulder. Jeanie dragged me over to a group of women, enthusiastically chattering away as she poured me a large measure of whiskey.

"Drink this down" She instructed. "It'll settle your nerves enough to spill some gossip"

"I'm not sure there's anything to spill" I grimaced, never the less drinking down the measure of whiskey and wincing as it burnt a path along my throat.

"Nonsense!" She insisted. "Abbie said she's never seen Carol so happy"

I glanced across the room at Carol who was deep in conversation with Abbie and another woman. 'Never seen Carol so happy' The words ran through my mind and brought a smile to my face.

"Now you see…" Another woman started. "…the look on your face tells us all we need to know"

...

The party was in full swing

"Here you are!" Carol exclaimed, stepping out in to the garden.

I looked up from the bench I was sat on, contemplatively smoking a cigarette.

"You're not hiding are you?"

I gave her a sheepish look. "I needed some time out" I explained with a grin. "They are pretty intense"

She came and sat down beside me, teasing the cigarette from my grip to take a smoke. "Indeed they are" She agreed.

She looked wonderful this evening. I observed her profile, lit by the dim light of the moon, and took in every inch of her porcelain skin. Her eyes held the tell tale hint of the drinks she had drank and as a result she was much more telling with her emotions. She smiled at me, an indulgent lazy smile, her blue eyes mysterious, dwelling on something unspoken. She pursed her lips, drawing on the cigarette expertly.

"It's quite novel isn't it Carol?"

She stroked her fingers through my hair. "Hmm? What is?" She mumbled, teasing brown locks and tucking them behind my ear.

"Being in the company of people who know who are we"

Her smile deepened and she nodded her head almost wistfully. "It is" She confirmed, her voice husky. She cleared her throat. "It's not something I take for granted. Being able to touch you without reproach…" She cupped a cheek in her hand, the tip of her thumb creating, invisible, circular motions.

I felt the stirrings of desire, buoyed by the mixture of drinks and relief. To be able to kiss her, to touch her in such an ordinary manner felt, simply, extraordinary. I kissed the smile on her lips, holding her face between both hands, squeezing her cheeks ever so slightly. Tender kisses became more indulgent, giving way to passion. I could feel that moment of surprise in Carol's response, taken aback, by the intensity of the kiss. She pulled away, her lipstick smudged by our kisses and her blue eyes deep and as wild as the stormy seas. She gave a cautionary glance to our surroundings, noting that the party was in full swing and a chorus line was starting up with women hooting with laughter.

"Come with me" She whispered, gripping my hand to lead me along the back of the garden. "Nobody will see us here" She affirmed, ducking behind a gap in the tree's that lined the back of the garden. They were overgrown with masses of dark, green, leaves that provided the perfect cover for our embrace. We were submerged in them, breath catching in our throats, a girlish giggle passing our lips with a trace of hysteria.

"I'm behaving like an unruly sixteen year old" Carol scolded herself, but never the less gripped me in her strong arms, gazing back at me with wide eyes and a warm waiting mouth. I kissed her instantly, too impatient to drag the moment out any longer. It was a sensory overload, the touch of her lips, the gentle probing of her tongue, the clinging smell of her perfume and the scent of the night, all mixing together to leave me panting for more. Something in me needed her more than ever and I wanted nothing more than to have her on me, next to me, the two of us fused together indefinitely. It was easy to be romantic, to be philosophical, on an evening like this. There was a chill in the air. I couldn't feel it on my skin but I could taste it on her mouth, lips and nose icy cold against my own. "You're shivering" She whispered in to my ear.

I shook my head, despite the chattering of my teeth. "I'm not cold" I insisted, allowing my hands to coast along the curves of her hips, settling on her ample rear. I kissed her neck, smiling in to the warmth of her skin at the sound of her gentle cries. I kissed a path upwards, the pressing contact of my mouth against her ear. She melted in to my touch and I felt her hands paw at the back of my shirt, nails applying just the slightest hint of pressure.

"Good god Therese!" She drawled, voice a sultry exclamation of lust. "You're going to undo me completely" Her words trailed off as my hands moved along her abdomen, feeling her solid body beneath the material of her dress.

"That sounds like a wonderful idea" I whispered in to her ear. The hands at the back of me dug in, nails just grazing my skin through the thin material of my shirt. "You're unbelievable" I told her, cupping her breasts in my hands, my mouth continuing it's caress of her soft neck.

"We need to go home" She panted in my ear, gently pushing me away as my hands slipped under the bottom of her dress, grazing the softness of her thighs. "We need to go home now" She repeated forcefully.

We ducked out from our hiding place and walked in to the cacophony of the party, barely noticed by a gaggle of women who were dancing their hearts out, melted together in a group embrace. We moved through them, guided expertly by Carol's driven movements. She held my hand in hers, allowing her fingers to curl over the back of my hand with a gentle pressure, never letting go regardless of who crossed our paths.

"Where have you been?" Abbie tutted. "I want you to meet my new lady friend" She winked at both of us, scanning the room for her latest love interest. "She's an absolute delight…"

"Actually we're going to make a move" Carol interrupted. "Sorry to be a bore but I have a killer headache"

Abbie frowned, her eyes scrutinising Carol's expression for any signs of truth. "A headache you say?" She asked, sizing Carol up further with an intense look. "Don't want to struggle through it for your dearest friend?"

Carol shook her head. "I think my dearest friend is in very capable hands" She threw a glance at a pretty blonde who was seated nearby, patiently waiting for Abbie's return.

"Well my darlings…I can see I won't change your minds" She leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss against both of our cheeks in quick succession. "Just one more thing…" Her hand darted out, retrieving a stray leaf from Carol's hair. "…foliage?"

I felt my cheeks redden instantly, much to Abbie's amusement and Carol glanced sideways at me a mischievous smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"Christ Carol. You're positively insatiable!" She stated before erupting in a fierce kind of laughter. "My, my my…"

Carol shrugged her shoulders. "Wouldn't you be?"

Abbie's laughter grew ever louder. "Absolutely…Now get going you're spoiling the party"

...

The cab ride home was spent in brooding silence. We sat beside each other with our legs pressed together and our hands just shy of touching. When I looked at Carol she was staring ahead, in to the distance, her emotions neatly checked and composed. She paid the driver and ushered me in to the apartment complex. We walked instep towards the front door, still caught up in silence. We did not want to speak. There were no words needed. With the turn of her key in the lock I heard an audible gulp in my throat.

What a relief to be safe inside our cocoon. She pulled me in by the sleeve of my shirt, closing the door behind us in one quick movement. There was no time to waste. We wanted each other and we did not want to wait a single moment more to give in to the heat, palpable, between us. I shed piece of clothing after clothing, leading a trail in my wake, until I was naked and doused in the chill of the evening. Gripping her hand I urged her in to the bedroom, noting the juxtaposition of my bare skin and her fully dressed body. It did not matter. In fact it added to the desire mounting in me. She sat down on the bed, limbs restricted somewhat by the press of her tailored dress. I wrapped my legs around her, naked limbs fighting for contact, mouth finding hers with a rush of sensation. I groaned in to her sweet kiss, writhing under the touch of her hands that explored the planes of my naked back. The lingering effects of the cocktails made me bold, made me more daring in my movements. I kissed her hard, her bottom lip nipped gently between my teeth, the kiss deepening with the feel of her tongue slipping between the confines of my mouth. It was liquid ecstasy and I savoured every moment, every inch of her beautiful body. Unabashedly I ground against her, desperately seeking out enough friction to push me over the edge. She complied without hesitation, hands gripping my rear before slipping in to the wetness that waited for her.

"Oh Therese!" She exclaimed, slipping in to me, the feeling like a jolt of electricity to my chest. I could barely hear her words. I was overcome with the feel of her. I placed both hands, fingers outstretched, against the headboard, moving against her touch. I was close to the edge, so close that I could feel the hot spread of a flush on my cheeks, all senses rushing in to overdrive before my head snapped back, a wave of pleasure rushing through me. It shook me like a rag doll, muscles, limbs contracting, the last traces of jolting electricity causing me to flop on to her, giving in completely to the overwhelming sensation. My head found a home on her shoulder, breath catching in my throat, as I tried to bring my heart rate down to a normal pace. She stroked the small of my back and planted a smattering of kisses against my neck.

"You were magnificent" Carol purred. "I love watching you…"

I blushed under her attention and she brought a single fingertip to my lips, halting any possible protestation. Her blue eyes were on fire with want. She caught her bottom lip between her teeth, all her desire and lust written on her face, plain as day to see. I drank it in. There was nothing more erotic than knowing how much Carol wanted me, knowing that we wanted each other in exactly the same way. The anticipation was almost too much to bear. I wanted to taste her. I wanted to make her feel all the things I was feeling and more. Gripping the bottom of her dress between my hands I pulled it up and along her body, revealing beautiful white skin, dressed only in lace underwear and a matching bra. Without care I threw it over my shoulder, concentrating on the beauty of her toned limbs. I drank her in, kissing every inch of bear skin my lips found. Her skin was delightfully soft, the smell of her perfume clinging to her, filling my senses with a million memories of past encounters. Fingers curled around lace, teasing her underwear down until it rested at her delicate ankles. She gripped the bed sheets, making tiny fists out of her hands. The sight of her flushed and turned on sent a wave of pleasure through me. I couldn't wait any longer. Parting her thighs with insistent hands I reached down and kissed the softness waiting for me. She gripped the back of my head, urging me closer, her body instinctively grinding against me, seeking out more contact. She gripped me between her thighs, hands tugging at my hair as her moans filled the bedroom with sound. She held me to her, arching against me before giving in to a rush of feeling. I kissed her again, feeling her stir beneath me, hand pushing me away.

"It's too much" She gasped, her body curling in to itself. I mimicked her actions, my body fitting against hers perfectly. I wrapped an arm around her waist and held her to me, focusing on the rise and fall of her chest, more than content to draw invisible patterns on her forearm.

...

I lay, beneath the covers, Carol's breasts acting as an inviting pillow. The sun was just beginning to rouse itself, submerging the thick clouded sky in pinks and ambers. The room was coated in a warm, subtle, light and I was reminded of the evening that had stretched out before us. She had been insatiable. The thought made my skin prickle with heat and my mind staged a host of visual memories, all mine to remember. We had made love until our eyes were heavy and our bodies gave in, a wave of exhaustion that left us both spent, giving in to sleep as it came for us.


End file.
